The year of healing

After quite a bit of reflecting on what I had planned this year, peeking at the vision board I made of goals & dreams I had for 2015. Then laughing because nothing I planned on paper became a reality. Like NOTHING ha!

2015 has now been dubbed the year of healing. Healing the hip, healing sesamoid bones in both feet, healing the muscles that took a beating from surgery, healing IBS (Mike found a place that claims to cure IBS, so I’m crossing my fingers this is possible), healing the mind, healing this dang toothache I currently have.

Is this some cruel life joke that the body starts breaking down when you hit your 30’s?? #fiddlesticks


Fresh outta arthroscopic hip surgery. Hope you can sleep tonight after seeing that mug.

I find myself comparing past fitness to the current reality. This is problematic. My current ‘lofty’ goal is to build strength and run a 5K for Christmas. A couple years ago running a 5K was no big deal at all for me. In fact, at one point there was talk of hanging up my 5K running shoes and sticking to longer distances. Oh gosh how I wish I could go back in time and bitch slap myself for saying that. But hindsight is 20/20, right?


I consider myself an optimist, but truthfully my heart hurts not being able to train and run consistently for years. On one hand, I truly miss running so much it’s painful. I ran/walked 2 miles at a yoga event in Santa Cruz in July and the feeling of missing something I truly love sunk in. I should not have done those 2 miles, but the mental boost was definitely worth the pain.

On the other, I’m worried about getting injured again or body parts will start flying off or a meteor will come crashing down on me. #chickenlittlestatus

This isn’t a pity party post, writing in my little corner of the internet is very therapeutic and I think we all go through times like this. If you don’t, show me your ways kimosabe.

Positive changes are coming, and I couldn’t be happier to have something to look forward to. Even with this nagging hesitant feeling. I have no idea what my body has in mind, but there are goals I would love to reach before the year wraps up.

To help reach these dreams, I hired a personal trainer to take the guess work out of training. We did a Google Hangout yesterday and virtually meeting her I knew instantly we are a perfect match! I told Mike she’s gonna make me hawt. He didn’t seem impressed with my joke.

If you ask me where we should start, I’d say everything. Seriously, it’s that overwhelming. So I asked my physical therapist which areas we should focus on first. He is such a wonderful resource since we’ve worked together for so long, I even joke about paying his car payment. Thankfully he was enthusiastic about this idea and was happy to give us a starting point. Glutes, hips, quads, core/lumbar/pelvic floor strengthening & soleus stretching in case you’re wondering. Training officially starts Monday. I am pumped!


Quad/knee the night post op. 40 liters of saline used during surgery destroyed the left quad.

A few other goals are total body fitness, truly listening & honoring my body, building confidence, cooking more and focus on being patient with my body. 

I still have this fear of never being able to run in the back of my mind. This might be true, but I’ve at least got to give it a try. There’s no way I wanna live with “what if’s” floating around in my head. I’d rather fight for something, than do nothing at all. Giving up is not an option yet.

So here we go!

PS If you want to laugh, check out this video clip Mike made took of me coming out of anesthesia.

What are your fall/winter goals?

Do you currently or ever had a personal trainer? Share the deets please!


8 Comments on “The year of healing

  1. I bet you’ll run again – it will just be hard work to get there. I’m heading for hip arthro in December (torn laburm) so your progress is going to give me hope for my own! 🙂

    So my fall winter goal is to keep training and working with my PT until surgery so I can go in strong and recover well.

    • I have a feeling you will do fine!! My best advice is to go easy on your feet. It’s crazy how not using crutches affected my feet for several months after. Please let me know how it goes.

  2. I’ll reiterate that sharing your struggles gives the rest of us busted up 30ish-year-olds hope! You are an inspiration to me.. life goals of being happy & healthy are perfectly acceptable objectives. Thanks for sharing the ups AND the downs.

  3. I hear yah on the missing the whole running scene. Walking 5ks are just not cutting it for me. Even though I have come to accept that my recovery process will be long and difficult, I am still absolutely sad about it. My insurance have stopped my PT, so I’ve hired a personal trainer. I told him what my short term goals are, he tailors our trainings to my needs, then he kicks my butt! My immediate goal is to run/walk the 510 race without my cane!
    Eventually I’d like to start moving up to 10ks.
    One of these days, I’d love to hobble with you!

  4. I have faith you will run again! You are such a strong person that once you set your mind to it you got it! 🙂 When I was pregnant I didn’t run hardly at all and I had this false sense of a comeback that didn’t happen so I got a little down on myself. I want to take the rest of the fall/winter to just get mileage under my belt again. Life is hard when it throws lemons at your head! 😉 I have been cross training though and loving every minute of it! I can’t wait to see what the future has in store for you!!

  5. I have no doubt you will get back to business. It will definitely take time, but you’ve got your head up and that’s what matters. Best of luck with the kick off.

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