Tiny squares of sunshine

My life, as depicted in the tiny squares of Instagram is a lot like how I am if you met me in real life. I choose to focus on the positive, sunny spots, so when tough times come along, (and boy, they do!) it helps to remember the good times. I choose to ignore  the hell I’m going through. As in real life and social media, I also choose to leave much of the bad parts out. Unless you are lucky enough to be in my circle of trust.

I recently went back to work and someone asked where I’d been. I explained that my gallbladder decided to be a traitor, I had surgery and took some time off to recover. He said something like wow, I’m glad you’re alright. It’s nice to have you back. I thanked him and mentioned that I’m only back for a few days, and then I’ll be on vacation. But I look forward to seeing you then…

What he said next caught me off guard: “it must be nice to drive a Porsche and go on vacation all the time” while walking away.

I did something I normally don’t do. I shut up, put my head down and did my job.

I try to be very professional, yet have no problem standing up for myself. I feel very honored to work for a company that trusts my ability to take care of some of the worlds most high profile & successful, as well as everyday folks like myself. Walking up to a CEO of a fortune 500 company, movie star, President or regular people, asking how their day is, and offering them a beverage or snack doesn’t intimidate or make me nervous one bit. To me everybody is a guest, it’s my job to make them feel welcome. And I absolutely love it!

His comment kinda stung and I even surprised myself by choosing not to respond.

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It wasn’t until later I figured out why this comment bothered me so much. It’s my fault he doesn’t understand how awful 2016 has been for us, because I don’t care enough about what he thinks, to explain it.

He has no idea how hard we worked to build a solid foundation for ourselves. He has no idea Mike was off work longer than expected to have surgery on both hands at the same time. Or that a month later, he spent a week beside his mother in the hospital, making some of the toughest decisions no one ever wants to make. He was with her when the cancer took her way too soon, but at that time, she met Jesus..Then we spent another week helping his father cope with the loss, making funeral arrangements & taking care of other family business. He has no idea I was in & out of the hospital 3 times less than 2 weeks after her funeral either.

Why? Because I choose not to share these things. And I am not bitter with is reaction at all now that I took a step back, and looked at it through his perspective.

Mike & I are the kind of folks who take care of us. We choose not to share a lot of our life because we are simply private people. We don’t like anyone feeling sorry for us. Life gets dirty, it unravels faster than we’d like at times, but one thing is true for everyone, that life does not discriminate. Life is just plain hard sometimes. Mike often says to me that the easiest day was yesterday. I hate to admit how true that is sometimes.

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I actually want to thank him for helping me realize something. That is sometimes – dare I say most times we don’t have to justify the choices or decisions we make, or what we to do or say to anyone. So we can’t be upset when they make comments that sting. They only get to see the tiny squares of sunshine I let them see.

Your ignorance about my life is my choice.

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7 Comments on “Tiny squares of sunshine

  1. Once again, I love what a great team you and Mike are! You are both so lucky to do life together 🙂

  2. You have earned everything you have, and if you didn’t, so what. I hate when someone is jealous, and thinks they have the right, to be mean to others. It’s great that you can see a positive, out of this situation. Have a great vacation! And I’m glad you’re healing.

  3. After what I went through, I have come to realize that I should not care about what people think of me. I already am my own worse critic, I don’t need anyone else to add to my negativity. You my friend are doing life the right way!
    B

  4. First of all, you don’t have a bunch of kids. That frees up a lot of time and money. You don’t live in a mansion (neither do I!). You choose where to spend and save. Anyone who is jealous of your lifestyle is just sour grapes and made different choices and took different paths.

    I have 3 kids and if I didn’t… we could buy a porche and then some! The thing is, I follow your feed because I like to be inspired with healthy eating, exercise, travel, everything. I don’t view you fun life with a grass is greener attitude; I love my life.

    I think there are a lot of unhappy people out there who want to blame someone else for their unhappiness. Instead of them asking “How dare you seem so happy?” They should ask themselves how they can make themselves happier. And for the record…vacations can be taken on a shoestring if you can cut out airfare. And they really add quality to life.

    Sadly, haters are everywhere. They always have been, like the Pharasee and they always will be. You just can’t allow them to change your perspective or steal your joy. Sure, they start with a seed of truth, that is why it stings. But they stretch it, flip it and change it and their critical comments become lies, so just ignore and move on.

  5. That was beautifully put. I sometimes think the same thing that man said when I see people, I am quick to judge and be envious. Thank you for this nice reminder.

  6. This is the first time I’ve ever seen your blog (I’ll be back again) but had to comment on this post. I find your respect for privacy to be a refreshing breath of dignity in a world that has become so tacky. I was raised not to ‘air your dirty laundry in public’. Not because I want to pretend to be perfect, but because it is beneath me to show the worst of me or my life to anyone but those closest to me. It is about not burdening others with my troubles, about keeping my chin-up…about dignity and grace. Keep showing your best face to the world without shame or doubts…you are not a reality show or daytime trash TV. Selective ‘sharing’ isn’t a lie…it is just good manners.

  7. Way to be a class act to such an ass. It’s a very dangerous game people play when they think they have someone’s life figured out simply by looking in from the outside. Every one has challenges and issues and you and Mike have worked hard to get where you are. I feel sorry for people that think some of us our “lucky”. Keep your chin up, J! You have earned everything in your life and you deserve to enjoy it!

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