Stop being so damn hard on yourself

Stop being so damn hard on yourself.

I know this isn’t some new, profound thing, but it has been eating me alive for so long. With all of the health issues I’ve been facing lately, it has manifested into my daily life and after realizing it a few weeks ago, I have made a conscience, yet failed effort to escape from that mindset.

It slapped me upside the face this afternoon when I got home from picking up some fresh, beautiful strawberries, rainbow chard, sweet potatoes & papaya from Whole Foods. But all I wanted was a giant bowl of Cocoa Krispies. Full of sugar, chocolate, GMO’s…probably one of the most non-healing foods on the planet.

So I poured a giant bowl with some almond milk and sat down. It was so delicious. Like, my brain was so happy. But I couldn’t shake this thought of disappointment in myself for choosing such a terrible snack. Especially when I just picked up some of the most healing foods on the planet. How’s that for a first world problem?

Then it hit me. Stop being so damn hard on yourself. Having one bowl of crappy, yet amazingly delicious food doesn’t cancel out the good stuff. I just need to arrive at a place of balance. Life is too short to worry about small crap like this. Heck, a month ago, there was no way my stomach could have handled it.

I truly believe it’s nothing short of a miracle that I gained 2 pounds back, retrained my stomach to work a bit better, finally got some test results that revealed a few underlying problems and I can now go for a walk without a Zofran in a Ziplock baggie tucked into my waistband. Also, I am completely off all prescription medications. Yep, I stopped taking every single one of them and am feeling better every day.

I went from a fucking hospital bed in December, being told by some of the best doctors in the world, that I had gastroparesis with no explanation, cure or treatment other than Bentyl & Zofran. They said “you should get better eventually, but it could take months to years. And if you do get better, this condition will never fully go away.”

If you have read my blog or know me IRL, then you know I’m not an emotional kinda chick. But these last few months have brought out so many emotions than I ever knew existed. I have tears streaming down my face writing this post because I feel like I beat so many odds. There is still a ton of work ahead and I may never know how it feels to feel great physically on a daily basis, but as of right now, I couldn’t be happier with the progress.

I look forward to sharing more with you guys soon. Honestly, I haven’t felt like myself lately. Things that I once loved and looked forward to don’t feel the same. Blogging, taking pictures (which is why this post has zero pics), interacting on social media feels soul draining right now. I’ll come around…..I just need some time and I don’t want to force it.

In the meantime, the next time I want a giant bowl of GMO’s & sugar, I’ll go for it. Without being so damn hard on myself. The meal following it will be a bit more balanced and healthy. And I hope you would do the same.

4 Comments on “Stop being so damn hard on yourself

  1. Some days you just need that bowl of Cocoa Krispies! I say go for it – life is short!

  2. Yes. To all of this!! Life is short. Eat the crap ( and find the balance)
    Hope you are feeling better

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